Awkward and Awesome

small forehead, llamas, and too many miles of hair for one selfie

Awkward

Our toilet occasionally makes the loudest sound when we flush it. It's a mixture between the sound of a whale and an angry ogre, kinda like this. AND our neighbors just told us that they can hear it two apartments away. 

How looooong my hair is. It's the type of long that gets caught in other people's armpits, chokes me during swim workouts and is too heavy to hold any hairstyle. I think big changes are coming... 

Yoga with sexual offenders. I failed to realize this but apparently lots of yoga poses look like sex poses. #awk

I asked for bangs and my hairdresser refused on the grounds that my forehead is too short. SINCE WHEN IS MY FOREHEAD TOO SHORT/WHY HAS NO ONE EVER TOLD ME THIS BEFORE?? I can now totally relate to women's forehead fashion during Marie Antoinette's era. 

A while ago Carter randomly started bleeding out of his arm and it wouldn't stop bleeding for 40 minutes. We had no idea what it was but we got desperate and ended up super-gluing the hole in his arm shut, leaving a massive, bloody pile of superglue on his arm. The superglue held everything in but two months later his arm was still bleeding out of that hole every time Carter tried to remove the superglue. Finally, we got smart and asked Carter’s doctor dad what to do. He said that it was probably a arteriole (small artery) that was too close to the surface of the skin. Apparently, sometimes they just break open and  don’t ever clot over by themselves because there is too much blood pressure. So he cauterized the wound and now there is a crater in Carter’s arm. Carter thought it was so cool but I was pretty grossed out. 

Awesome

FINALLY finished my pomegranate print pillows, complete with black trim! I'm learning to sew and moving on up in life.

Carter told me he "had an awakening" and now is applying to an internship with the Federal Reserve in NYC this summer. There's a good chance we'll go because his professor has connectionz and said he would hook Carter up. #seeyathere @cmacmitch

I'm a notorious plant killer but in order to justify having children, I've been working on changing my ways. So far my beautiful pink plant has survived a whooping 5 months in my care! Never mind that three died before this one and the two background plants are already as good as dead! We can have kids!

I had my wedding dress recently cleaned (10 months later) and I just can't put it away yet. Something about having that sliver of beading peeking out is so dreamy and nostalgic.

I'm a primary teacher and this calling could not be more perfect for where I am in life right now. I LOVE going to primary and singing songs all the days. One 9-year-old boy in particular reminds me of so much Carter. During a primary lesson about the second coming he asked, "What if I'm 112 and dead? Will I still see Him?" To which the primary president answered that he would because everyone will come forth out of their graves. And then totally serious he protest, "But then I'll be a zombie." LOLZ. Not even a hint of sarcasm, just innocent hilarious questions.

a beautiful wedding dress, an un-killable plant, and some rad pillows

Awkward and Awesome in Jerusalem

Awkward

• One guy and five girls incited polygamist comments frequently, "Morrrrmons? Morrrmons? Oooooh I see, one family. One famalee." Uh, no. Not those kind of Mormons.
• The 50+ shopkeeper that cornered Lauren and repeatedly asked her to dinner. You can't barter your way into a date, buddy.
• Imagining Mary prego, walking through the Judaen Wilderness. There is nothing there. It's you and a donkey and 100+ weather and Joseph. That's all. Woof.
• My Modern Near East-Palestine teacher's slights at America during lecture. You do realize we are all American, right?
• The man who sat next to me in an Israeli Jazz concert, took off his shoes, and then produced absurd rubbing noises for the remainder of the concert especially during the quiet parts. Sir, this is a classy concert, not a take-off-your-shoes-add-your-own-sound-effects concert.
• The amount of sweat I produce per day. It's in the gallons, folks.
• Turkey orientation: "...you'll be paying for your own toilet paper. Generally, for one very small square of toilet paper."
• I'm diseased. Lots of phlegm everywhere.

Awesome

• Finding Emily's and Jeanelle's notes to me in Aladin's money changing business. Love you gurls!
• I'm crushing on all my classes. How great it is that I get to spend this whole semester studying history and people of the Middle East, which I LOVE? The past few weeks have very nearly convinced me to pull a Condelizzarice Rice and switch my major from Neuroscience to Middle Eastern Studies and minor in Arabic. Then the CIA would hire me as a Middle Eastern expert until I got a gig as Minister of Foreign Affairs. Ilovemymajor Ilovemymajor Ilovemymajor.
• Falafel. Nom nom nom.
• The security staff here at the Jerusalem Center. On class outings they follow us around and stop traffic and help us down steep hills and lead really hard conditioning classes twice a week. My thighs are burning.
• Roomies! I'm loving how my life always turns out better than expected. Perfect, in fact.
• TURKEY. I'm spending the next week in TURKEY.

Judaen Wilderness. Less wilderness, more desolation.

Oh hey roomies! First day of school!

Again, taken from my balcony :)

Awkward and Awesome

Awkward

- Accidently taking two pieces of the sacrament. I ended up eating one then just staring at the other one in my hand. Double dose of sacrament never hurt anyone, right?

- Not having to go to work on Sunday because the lady I was supposed to see died. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

- Coworker after coworker telling me I look like I am twelve. Hokay, 16 I could understand, but twelve? Really? Prepubescent?

- 96 year-old woman: "Well you're not Mormon are you?!" Me: "Yes, I am." Woman: stares flabbergasted at me for a good five seconds then " Well, that's alright. Mormons have got to eat and breathe too, I guess." Uhhhh, I agree?

- 1016 unread messages in my gmail inbox. How does this happen to me?!

Awesome

-The aforementioned dead woman died. She really needed to. She was quite old and lonely and very sick.

- Finding a second job with flexible hours and better pay: $10 an hour. GUYS I WILL BE PAID A WHOLE TEN DOLLARS AN HOUR. Am I in demand or what?

- Dropped my cell phone in the toilet...BUT after three days sealed in a rice bag it lives again! Never thought I would relate the Resurrection to my cell phone.

- Alexa graduated from high school! That woman is going places, peeps. Namely college.

- Rediscovering my love of country music. Yes, I would love to take a ride on your big, red tractor.

- Finishing my first two necklaces and bracelet. Take a gander, friends. Soon I will be a jewelry buff.

They're nothing much yet but don't you worry. I've just spent an absurd amount of money on ebay for supplies!