Some Thoughts

On hair...

I'm the type of person who is very emotionally attached to their hair. I usually follow trims up with a cry, but last week I cut off more than eight inches and I loved it! No regret at all.

On driving in Utah...

I never really thought about road rage until I moved to and started driving around Utah. I used to think it was just a stereotype that Utah drivers are crazy but as it turns out,  it is 100% true. At any given intersection you can be sure that at least two cars will run the red light. It's also the only state where I can reliably drive 5 mph over the speed limit and still be the slowest one on the road. And signaling? People only signal in Utah after they are already entering your lane, like it or not. I eventually realized that people in Utah are just used to driving like this. They don't realize they are being unsafe or rude. If I got upset over everything I thought other drivers were doing wrong, I would develop full blown road rage. In fact, I'm certain I was developing road rage because suddenly I felt like cutting rude drivers off and driving slow when someone rode my bumper. I'm learning to let go and move on.

On diets and fad foods...

I watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead on Netflix and while I was enthused and amazed and inspired, as a true believer in science, I'd like to tell everyone that a juice-only diet or 'juice-detox' is not necessarily healthy. Sure vegetable juice is healthier that a Mickey D's but fat and fiber are an essential part of diet, none of which you can get from juice. In fact, omitting fat and fiber causes the sugar in your juice to be absorbed into the blood stream too quickly, spiking blood sugar and thereby increasing your rick of diabetes.

On living in New York...

I'm slowly feeling more and more like I'll love living in Manhattan, partially because of my Aunt's New York tour book and partially because of prayer. I guess that's the beauty of putting things in God's hands. You end up loving things you never thought you would love and doing things you never thought you would do.

On Blackfish...

I watched the documentary and was horrified. Whether or not anyone values animal life, everyone should be repulsed by how obviously little Seaworld values human life. I could not believe the cover-ups highlighted in Blackfish. Instead of being candid with the trainers about the danger they were in and developing effective emergency protocols, they refused to acknowledge the orca were responsible at all! Totally sickening.

On doctors and dentist...

I'm dying young and letting my teeth fall out. On the whole, going to doctors and dentist has been throughly not worth the medical bills. Sorry Carter.

On pregnancy...

I'm almost 20 weeks and will very soon find out the gender of this child. Carter and I already love this baby more that we ever knew would could love a fetus. Little fetus, I'm going to the gym and eating vegetables for breakfast just for you!

Body Image

a Las Vegas vacation

It's true that Carter always tells me I am the perfect size. I don't believe him. He tells me I don't need to lose any weight and I still don't believe him. At first, I thought he was lying to keep me happy. When he convinced me that, in fact, he really believes it, I thought, "How can he not see what I see?" Cognitively, I know overall health should be the goal rather than losing weight; I even strive for it by exercising and eating moderately. And yet, I don't really believe it.

I never thought I had body image issues until I married Carter. I thought I was normal. I mean, I wasn't extreme dieting or throwing up in bathroom. Ultimately, the problem is that I am normal. When I think about where this 'normal' mode of thinking came from, I think about the girl in high school who only drank water at lunch to lose a few pounds, the middle school acquaintance mentioning that she liked lying on her back because it flattens her stomach, or the college neighbor who said all her problems would go away if she were skinny. Of course none of those girls were overweight, in fact they all looked just like me. Cue internalization.

People like to blame body image issues on Photoshop and Barbie but I played with and stopped playing with Barbie long before I thought about what I looked like. For all I knew she looked just like me. I didn't even realize people could visually tell I was a different race until middle school. And I started feeling fat long before Photoshop and the Internet were a thing. I think the fact I have several explicit memories of girls I knew talking about their body speaks volumes as to how society really perpetuates body image issues. Reading this letter to a mother about body image helped me understand it even more.

And so I guess this is a call to all girls to change, if not the way we think about our bodies, then the way we talk about our bodies. If all mothers and sisters and friends talked about the things they liked about their bodies instead of the things they didn't like, we could change an entire generation. Of all the things I want to give my baby, a healthy body image is a definite priority.

poolside, Las Vegas

Life Update

We're pregnant! And by we, I mean me, although we've never really tried to get Carter pregnant. But that's another story for another day on Medical Mysteries. If truth be told, we weren't even trying in particular to get me pregnant but we are still so very happy about it! I'm even a little relieved. It's about time someone (God, the Fates, Karma, Carter's sperm, ect.) made some life-altering choices for me.

We'll be full-fledged parents around October 18th. I'm thirteen weeks along yesterday though I've only been growing this little human for about 11 or so weeks. Who knew that they date your baby from your last period? I guess that's when the follicle started maturing? #biologymajorproblems

In other news Carter is a smarty pants and scored an internship with the New York Federal Reserve this summer. So we'll be packing up and shipping out in June. I'm going to call it my doing-nothing-in-NYC vacation. I look forward to it as the last vacation where all I worry about is me. In the fall we'll return to Provo so I can push a baby out of my uterus and Carter can finish his last year at BYU. After that Carter has the option of returning to Manhattan to work for the New York Federal Reserve for two years or going to a graduate school.

Is it extremely lame of me that I don't want to live in New York, NY? I guess it all comes down to priorities and right now my priorities revolve around Caribbean vacations and home-ownership and backyards, all of which are not helped by living in New York on a pittance government salary. And if Carter takes the job and then goes to grad school we'll have an EIGHT-year-old by the time he actually graduates!

But if Carter goes straight to grad school in an affordable location, we might be able to buy a house/condo right now. And raise all our children in nice neighborhoods where they can walk themselves to school and play in playgrounds without rat infestations and enjoy water blobs in their own backyard. I mean. NYC is not the most kid-friendly.

The main argument for the NYC job is that Carter will have a regular 9-5 job and will be able to spend copious amount of time with our baby. So that's a plus.

So what would you do? Do you love NYC and think it's a great place for kids?

Mormon Questions: Joseph Smith

Almost all anti-mormon literature revolves around Joseph Smith. Some of it true and some of it not. So when people hear 'mormon,' Joseph Smith is often the first person to come to mind.

Hence this question: "Do you really believe Joseph Smith was a prophet?"

The answer is yes, I absolutely do!

In case you aren't sure who Joseph Smith is, I'll tell you! Joseph Smith was a 14 year old boy growing up New York in the early 1800s. He prayed in the woods to know which church to join and in turn learned more than he ever expected to know, I'm sure. God and Jesus Christ appeared to him then and told him that he should join no church because the gospel and the priesthood had been taken from the earth when the original apostles died. Joseph later received priesthood power, the Book of Mormon, and instructions from angels. He became the first prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I believe all that and more. I believe that Joseph was sincerely trying to follow God's directive. But I don't believe Joseph Smith was perfect and I don't believe he was more than a man (as in we don't worship Joseph Smith). Only Jesus was perfect and even then most people didn't believe He was the Son of God! They still criticized Him and pointed out perceived flaws.

Carter teaches Elder's Quorum (sunday school for men) and in his class someone brought up the good point that if all prophets were as well documented as Joseph was, they would likely all be controversial figures. Take Moses, for example. He intentionally killed a man! Or Jonas, who planned on forgetting the whole prophet business and moving far away where no one would know him.

The beautiful thing about Joseph Smith's story is how it all relates to our own. God uses imperfect people to do His work on this earth! Though we all are lacking (and He knows perfectly what we lack) we can all serve God in meaningful ways.

If you would like to know more about Joseph Smith and what we believe about him you can look at this website created by our church.

Awkward and Awesome

small forehead, llamas, and too many miles of hair for one selfie

Awkward

Our toilet occasionally makes the loudest sound when we flush it. It's a mixture between the sound of a whale and an angry ogre, kinda like this. AND our neighbors just told us that they can hear it two apartments away. 

How looooong my hair is. It's the type of long that gets caught in other people's armpits, chokes me during swim workouts and is too heavy to hold any hairstyle. I think big changes are coming... 

Yoga with sexual offenders. I failed to realize this but apparently lots of yoga poses look like sex poses. #awk

I asked for bangs and my hairdresser refused on the grounds that my forehead is too short. SINCE WHEN IS MY FOREHEAD TOO SHORT/WHY HAS NO ONE EVER TOLD ME THIS BEFORE?? I can now totally relate to women's forehead fashion during Marie Antoinette's era. 

A while ago Carter randomly started bleeding out of his arm and it wouldn't stop bleeding for 40 minutes. We had no idea what it was but we got desperate and ended up super-gluing the hole in his arm shut, leaving a massive, bloody pile of superglue on his arm. The superglue held everything in but two months later his arm was still bleeding out of that hole every time Carter tried to remove the superglue. Finally, we got smart and asked Carter’s doctor dad what to do. He said that it was probably a arteriole (small artery) that was too close to the surface of the skin. Apparently, sometimes they just break open and  don’t ever clot over by themselves because there is too much blood pressure. So he cauterized the wound and now there is a crater in Carter’s arm. Carter thought it was so cool but I was pretty grossed out. 

Awesome

FINALLY finished my pomegranate print pillows, complete with black trim! I'm learning to sew and moving on up in life.

Carter told me he "had an awakening" and now is applying to an internship with the Federal Reserve in NYC this summer. There's a good chance we'll go because his professor has connectionz and said he would hook Carter up. #seeyathere @cmacmitch

I'm a notorious plant killer but in order to justify having children, I've been working on changing my ways. So far my beautiful pink plant has survived a whooping 5 months in my care! Never mind that three died before this one and the two background plants are already as good as dead! We can have kids!

I had my wedding dress recently cleaned (10 months later) and I just can't put it away yet. Something about having that sliver of beading peeking out is so dreamy and nostalgic.

I'm a primary teacher and this calling could not be more perfect for where I am in life right now. I LOVE going to primary and singing songs all the days. One 9-year-old boy in particular reminds me of so much Carter. During a primary lesson about the second coming he asked, "What if I'm 112 and dead? Will I still see Him?" To which the primary president answered that he would because everyone will come forth out of their graves. And then totally serious he protest, "But then I'll be a zombie." LOLZ. Not even a hint of sarcasm, just innocent hilarious questions.

a beautiful wedding dress, an un-killable plant, and some rad pillows

Him and Her: 5 Surprising Things About Marriage

In honor of our one-year anniversary, I thought we'd share some aspects of marriage that have been most surprising to us.

Her

1. Carter really doesn't understand that time of the month and I really can't explain it to him. He grew up with mostly brothers so I don't know how to tell him that, yes, I am furious over my lost sock and no, I'm not insane.
2. My parents and siblings repeatedly warned Carter about my just-woke-up self. To illustrate: I almost slapped my college roommate in the face when she was too zealous about waking me up. I wish that was an exaggeration. In a nice twist of fate, I'm usually extra-lovey to Carter in the mornings. Carter says I either wake up really happy or really mad.
3. I've always heard that money is the most contentious topic between spouses and now I really believe it. Not that we've ever argued about money; we usually agree on spending habits and yada yada. But MAN is it stressful.
4. We never run out of things to talk about! We totally should because we only spend 6 hours a day away from each other. Not that much happens in six hours! I guess we got married for a reason.
5. I totally don't believe that the first year of marriage is the hardest. This has been the best year of my life! And the transition to living together has been a breeze. 

Him

1. Whitney has the most vivid dreams. I guess I knew this when we were engaged because she would tell me about them, but it gets to a new level to wake up with her and have her tell me about all these crazy things. I mean, in her dreams really crazy things happen, like her being an assassin. I wake up in the morning and she has gone to a crazy place and done crazy things, and I just slept. 
2. Even though I think Whitney is the perfect size she is always talking about how she is not. It blows my mind. It doesn't matter how many times I tell her she is the perfect size, she always believes she isn't.
3. Whitney loves her plants. She has some plants she leaves on the dresser, and she calls them her planties. The hilarious thing is how much she talks about her planties. I cannot tell you how many mornings one of the first things that comes out of Whitney's mouth is "we gotta open the windows for my planties!" If action is not taken immediately, the planties will surely die. 
4. Before I was married, Whitney's dad and sister warned me about Whitney right when she wakes up in the morning. I thought maybe it could be bad, but actually Whitney is usually really snuggly and soo cute in the mornings. There are the occasional mornings where she is really upset about something pretty crazy, but most of the time she often just wants to stay in bed and it is wonderful!
5. I always imagined marriage would be great, but in reality it is so much better.  I tell Whitney all the time this is true. It is so amazing to not have to go home at night, to be able to stay together, live together, go through things together. It's amazing.

A Christmas List

Usually I never read these wish lists blogs but I just couldn't resists making one! I honestly enjoy day-dreaming about my wish list more than I like actually acquiring the items in it. Anyway, here's what I'm currently dreaming about:

Sweater stone - 7

Conair curling wand - 30

Stickygrams - 15

Rainbow beanie - 30

Herbs and spices calendar - 16

Diamond terrarium - 90

Crystal wings necklace - 27

Delilah art print - 16

Agate bookends - 30

I'm currently obsessing over beanies. Anyone know of a place to find reasonably priced beanies? 

Good Reads: A Thousand Lives

Apparently, I'm really into depressing books because, like Matterhorn, this one doesn't have a happy page in it. Happy endings are all we humans look for, but in reality they are subtle and often elusive. This book depicts the not-so-happy but true ending for one thousand people, the inhabitants of Jonestown. 

If you are unfamiliar with the story, Jonestown was a colony in Guyana founded by Jim Jones for his congregation, The People's Temple. Jim Jones began as any pastor but over time he became a paranoid leader of a cult. His followers found themselves trapped in a colony thousands of miles away from the U.S. with no way out except suicide. One thousand people died in a mass murder/suicide by poisoned red Kool-aid. The book follows the progression of The People's Temple from its foundation to its demise.

Cult leader, Jim Jones with some children of the People's Temple.

After I finished this book, I couldn't stop thinking about it. You would think that the one thousand were unhinged death-cult members, just as CNN and the Times depicted. From reading the book I realized that most of the people were just average. I wondered, "How is it that such normal people from typical backgrounds could follow such an obviously deranged man to their deaths? Why didn't they leave? Seek help? Resist?" In the chilling words of one survivor: "No one sets out to joins a cult." The answer to my questions is also found A Thousand Lives. Each person ignored small, but telling warning signs. They continuously choose to justify little deviations from 'normal' and with each justification, they grew used to their new reality. Eventually they found themselves trapped. Their perception was too distorted for them to see the truth about the leader and their forthcoming death.

I think the experiences of the one thousand Jonestown inhabitants is a very striking analogy to sin and addiction. It begins with small choices and gentle justifications. I would say to all suffering from addiction and living in sin that your ending is still unwritten. You do not have to follow your choices to their bitter end. True change can always be found in Jesus Christ.

Anyway, I would highly recommend the book with the disclaimer that it contains some very disturbing material. It's the kind of disturbing event that gives great insight into human behavior and the human experience. For the same reason you find the holocaust interesting, though horrifying, you will enjoy this book.

Jim Jones was notoriously charming and taught with the fervor of a Baptist preacher.

The photo of the mass suicide that appeared on the cover of the Times. Many dead with a large vat of poisoned kool-aid.